A Writer’s Nevercation

Normally, I don’t have to take too much of my day job work home with me. As the safety inspector at the local nuclear power plant, there isn’t too much I can do from home. When I go on vacation, safety goes uninspected as I relax on the beach. In fact, I don’t even think about my day-job whilst listening the waves drown out the needs of my many many children.

Unfortunately, when I put on my writer’s hat, I don’t get vacations. I don’t get evenings off. I don’t even get bathroom breaks.

On vacation, I am constantly coming up with ideas of picture books to write. “Daddy, come swim in the ocean with me!” (that sounds like a picture book!). “Daddy, what’s that bear-like shadow outside of our tent?” (picture book!). “Papa J, Honey, please stop dancing in public. It’s embarrassing!” (board book?).

In the evening, I spend my time writing emails to teachers, grocery lists, facebook messages, angry letters to Michael Ian Black, and love notes to Mama Funk…

In the bathroom, I write my best blog posts (and the occasional tweet).

I’m even writing while I’m working my day job. Every inspection report, white-board diagram, email, and tattoo receipt is written down on something.

I once even wrote a television screenplay about a very angry orange bell pepper (Why do red and green always get the attention?!?!? So, I’m not organic – sue me! Why am I always attracted to jalapeños and habañeros when I should be looking for a nice sweet cubanelle to settle down with?).

hot-peppers

Is it possible for a writer to truly go on vacation from writing?

 

If you’re interested in hearing more about my orange pepper screenplay, please contact me – I’m hoping to cast Ben Stiller as Green, everyone else is open for debate (except for Michael Ian Black).

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