Dear Query

Dear Query Recipient,

A query that was intended to go from a writer’s page to an editor’s slush pile travels through mailboxes, is crumpled by postal carriers, and is fumbled by assistants before ultimately falling behind the radiator to her death.

In the tragic novel QUERY (too many or to few words), a paper query ventures on the ill-fated journey to the editor’s slush pile. While the journey starts out promising with a properly sealed envelope with appropriate contact information, Query is continuously tempted by other parcels to abandon her quest. While avoiding the pitfalls common to many road-trip novels (nearly missing flights, running low on postage, hitch-hiking in the folds of the SEARS catalog), Query finally meets her true love – the Verizon bill. Unfortunately, due to a case of mistaken identity, the Verizon bill is killed by a junk mail assassin confusing an 8 for a 6 in a zip code. Query blames herself for the death (believing she was the one who smudged the 8), and drifts aimlessly along until finding her way into the hands of the intended editor’s assistant. But like all novels with tragic endings, this novel has a tragic ending. Query is placed on the top of the slush pile after the editor has left for a long weekend. But as the janitor comes to clean the editor’s grandiosely vast temple of an office, she inadvertently bumps Query off the slush pile into the crack behind the radiator where she slowly burns, chars, and crumbles to dusty ash before anyone has a chance to notice her.

But there is an amazing twist! The query was actually for a terrible rhyming (*groan*) picture book (something about anthropomorphic breakfast foods) – something that should never be published. So unlike most tragic novels, this novel ends happily (for all editors – and readers –¬† of the world, that is. But not for Query, as she is dead).

I am a member of the SQBWI and a member of a query critique group. I am currently working on several queries, but I thought you would particularly like this one because it involves queries. When I am not writing queries, I am usually querying myself as to why I am not currently writing a query.

Thank you for your time. I very much look forward to querying you again.

Queryingly yours,

Wydue I. Query

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One thought on “Dear Query

  1. Wydue I. Query,

    Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to pass. Alas, too many stories about queries end up as tragedies. What I’d like to see in my inbox is a quirky query who makes me laugh. Or how about a query from the boy’s POV? If your next query has a query character or storyline I’ve never seen before, I’d be willing to consider it.

    Sincerely,

    Query Recipient

    (P.S. Next time do your homework. That’s Ms. Query Recipient.)

    Like

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